So right after my diagnosis, while shopping at Costco I had an epiphany for myself. Here I am walking around Costco with a 5 cm sized tumor in my body and not a damn person knows. I realized that there were people around me with things going on and I had no clue. This helped to shore up my empathy towards others. In a bit, I will share part of a conversation from last week that brought this idea back to the forefront on my thoughts. But first about me.
I have always been a bit of an impatient person with others and myself. However my cancer diagnosis changed that a bit. I became more aware of my surroundings and started to wonder what else was going on in other people’s lives. Not in some crazy stalker kind of way, but more an attempt to become a better person. I wondered if the person that left their cart in the middle of the isle just lost a family member unexpectedly? Maybe the person spending twenty minutes picking something out of the cooler section blocking out everyone else, just lost their job and looking for the least expensive item to feed their family? The person wandering aimlessly around the store, maybe they also have something going on in their life. Oh wait, no that is just my wonderful bride. Scratch that wonder, I know what is going on there. We are just one of almost eight billion people in this world and don’t always know what is happening with ourselves. So now when I witness these type of events, I attempt to allow some grace to actions that I view as irritations. These are not peccadillos like Sonja aimlessly wondering around a store. I am a bit of a new and improved version with more empathy but not completely reformed. Also, my grace does not extend to idiotic drivers or people who still put two spaces after a period. Now to explain how this topic came up last week.
A wonderful friend and crooner of show time times works in the prison system as a chaplain. His work has taken him from max security with folks that make Hannibal Lector look like a saint and to lower security levels where folks just made a mistake. Part of our conversation focused on how drugs create most of those situation. Nonetheless, drugs are not the point of my tale here. My crooner friend was ministering to his flock about life skills. While talking about making good choices on the outside, an inmate raised his hand to interrupt his spiel. The inmate asked if he had ever been starving, not hungry, but starving to the point of being willing to make bad decisions to alleviate that feeling. My friend took a step back and had to say NO. He had never been starving. As a former D1 football lineman, he might have thought that once or twice, but in the end he never really was starving. His level of hunger did not lead him to make decision that might end up with a prison sentence. Following the class my friend sat in his office thinking about the interaction. He has been hungry but cannot fully understand what it is to be starving. He realized that even with twenty years experience he still cannot put himself in the prison jump suits of those he serves. Yes, he can help this individuals and have empathy towards them.
Our conversation brought my initial thoughts from Costco in February 2023 back. As with anything in life, we sometimes forget our past thoughts. In this case, this reminder was a good one and timely. I am enjoying a streak of good things and health in my life. Yet, not everyone else is and we generally have no clue about what is impacting them. We need to take a step back breath and provide them some grace in our daily lives. Having to swing around the cart parked in the middle of a grocery store isle or waiting for someone to make their choice at a cooler really does not impact our lives. Yes, it is an inconvenience but that is it.
Now if you wanna drive like an idiot or put two spaces after a period, well you sir are just an evil person.